In lieu of this week’s posts regarding admirable behavior in business a class-wide popularity contest, I decided to theme our awards ceremony off of everybody’s favorite memories and stereotypes from high school: PROM QUEEN! So why is our cover photo a newspaper headline of the US annexing Canada you might ask? Well, after last week’s dive into the land of canucks, I thought everybody could use a healthy reminder that the good ol’ US of A is, indeed, the greatest nation on the planet, much better than Canada, eh? ‘Murica!

To borrow from our friends at the BUCC:

*sat·ire  [sat-ahyuhr]


the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in

exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. 

Disclaimer: The contents of this post are meant to be highly offensive. If you should happen to find yourself upset by the rampant use of stereotypes, personal assaults on your character and the being language used… good, that was the point. 

OOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGGG you guyssss! Spring Break is just around the corner, and you know what that means…PROM SEASON!!!!! (ohmygodyaaaaaaayyyyyy) Now, all of you had a chance this week to read our candidates’ interviews and vote who is going to be crowned our next Prooooommmmm Queeeeeeennnnn!!!!! This year’s candidates were just, like, sooooooo ammaaaazzzzzinnnngg. It was, like, super hard to pick out the best. But we did it! So let’s get to the awards!

Just a quick aside, though, like super fast. Although he didn’t actually get a real award, I thought I would take the time to bestow the Sneaky Undermining Betch award to Eric for stealing all of my, like, tots awesome and original ideas, and then trying to act like they were his. Guess you got what you deserved, though, betch, because no one voted for you (suck it?). Now, on to the real show!

In third place, we had Lindsey! (yaaaayyyy Lindsey!) In her interview, Lindsey mostly talked about her devotion to preserving the environment. She started out by trying to use big words like ethosolution to show how smart she is, and then showed this, like, supercool video of all these extreme sports weirdos  while this creepy ghost in the background was playing a guitar and talking about how we need to save the planet from Al Gore or something. After that she talked about all the crazy stuff she does, like saving little fishies and donating money to environmental groups so we can all feel horrible about ourselves! Some other fun facts: her favorite color is green, she’s a member of the 1%, and she was voted Most Likely to Poke Smot and Tie Herself to a Tree! Her interview generated a lot of buzz, but unfortunately, she didn’t get the crown. Thanks Lindsey!

In second place, we had Steph! (yaaayyy Steph!) Steph mostly talked about her absolutely addoooorrable SHOOEESSSS!!!!!!!! Ohmygod, like, soooooooo cute! The best part, though, is that Steph donates a pair of SHOES for every pair she buys to kids in third world countries! Like, how aammmmmazzzzzing is that? She does it with glasses too, which is just, like, soooo awesome. She is just the most caring person ever, everything she does keeps in mind other people. I, like, literally started crying when we interviewing her; like, going to third world countries and helping out all those kids… You Go Girl! Steph was also voted Most Likely to Join the Peace Corps and Subsequently Die of Dysentery from Drinking the Water when she graduates. Everybody was talking about how amazing Steph and her SHOES were, she really gave our queen a run for her money. Unfortunately, she didn’t quite make the cut either, though. Thanks Steph, keep being aaamaaazzinnng!

SO, that means that our Prom Queen for the Week of March 3rd, 2013 isssssss…..LOUKAS! YAAAAYYYYYYY LOUKAS! In his interview, Loukas talked about all those silly clunky boots the boys wear around campus. Apparently, they used to be made out of little kids in China or something, but when they found out they tots turned themselves around, and now they’re, like, aaamazzzzinnng. He talked about how they teach the people who make the shoes what piggy banks are for, they make water for people in Asia (like, how crazy is that?), and they bought everyone who works for them a PRIUS! ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME? A PRIUS! MY DADDY ONLY BOUGHT ME A BMW CONVERTIBLE! (Apparently, he doesn’t love me enough to buy me a hybrid, just some crappy German sports car…) Anywaysssssss, Loukas was Little Miss Popular after that story. All these weird rando’s kept stalking him, and there was, like, major creeping on his facebook page. Still, anybody who’s an anybody read that post, and now Loukas is officially our very own PROM QUEEN! Just so you guys know the 411, Loukas was also voted Most Likely to Vote for Ron PaulWork for Wall Street Start Blowing Coke (sorry, I had to) Work for Wall Street. Our last prom queen was voted Most Likely to Go to Rehab, so let’s hope he fares better than she did!

Mean Girls

Thanks to all our candidates for all the ammaazzzing work you do! This has been, like, the bessttt Prom Queen race in, like, ever. Even though we’re all probably feeling a little jealous and upset that we didn’t win, don’t be a royal betch like Eric; let’s all try to stay beesssstiiissesssss. Thanks for tuning innnn!!!!!!

One response »

  1. Jordi says:

    Wow. Just, like, WOW.

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